Coping with Grief and Loss: Stages and Finding Hope
Updated: Sep 3
Grief should be seen as an integral component of life rather than something to avoid. Grieving is something everyone in this world faces at some point or another; unfortunately, none of us is taught how to cope with its aftermath effectively. Grieving can be one of the toughest emotional hurdles you must navigate, whether a loved one, pet, job, dream, or another form of loss occurs that was once part of your daily routine and now no longer exists in your daily routine and our lives.
Grieving has existed as long as there has been the emotion of love between individuals. Different cultures throughout history have devised traditions and rituals to help their members cope with grief more easily. It has been noted that roughly one in ten bereaved individuals exhibit symptoms that could be termed complicated grief based on a meta-analysis conducted by Psychology Today. Understanding coping with grief and loss is not about rushing past pain. It is about learning to carry it with more steadiness, so hope has room to return.
What Is Grief and Loss?
Grief and loss refer to the emotions, physical reactions, and psychological reactions caused by the death or departure of someone significant in your life. Grief does not always include tears; other emotions associated with loss, such as anger, guilt, detachment, exhaustion, confusion, and even relief, may accompany it.
Why Grief Feels Different for Everyone
Everyone processes loss differently, even people from the same family. One such perspective that explains why this happens is that of trauma. Various factors like your nervous system, previous life experiences, your attachment style, and your social network play a role in shaping the way you process grief. That’s why a trauma counselling perspective is so effective, because it deals with your body and mind together.
When Grief Begins, and How Long It Lasts
Grief can start from the very time when the loss actually happens, but in some cases, it can also be earlier, which is known as anticipatory grief, like when you’re dealing with a dying family member. There is no exact time frame, as in some cases it may take a few months to get through the worst parts, and in other cases, it can last even years in a milder way.
The Stages of Grief and Loss
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross introduced her well-known framework of grief and loss stages in 1969 in her book On Death and Dying. While initially created to describe terminally ill patients' emotional experiences, this framework has since become an invaluable way of understanding bereavement more generally.
Stage | What It Often Looks Like |
Denial | Feeling numb, in shock, or unable to accept the loss as real |
Anger | Frustration, irritability, or asking "why did this happen" |
Bargaining | Replaying decisions, wondering "what if," or making deals in your mind |
Depression | Deep sadness, low energy, withdrawal, or a sense of emptiness |
Acceptance | Finding a way to live with the loss while still feeling its weight |
The History Behind the Stages of Grief and Loss
It is helpful to be aware that the Kübler-Ross theory does not state that the stages occur in a sequential order or that all people go through all five stages of grief. The current view among researchers about grief is that the stages are common emotional responses, not a set process, and many people oscillate between the stages.
Why Coping with Grief and Loss Feels So Overwhelming
Grief is not only emotional. It is a full-body experience.
How Grief Affects Your Body and Nervous System
Grief triggers the same stress reaction system used during a traumatic experience. This causes your nervous system to be on high alert, causing exhaustion or difficulty concentrating; others experience tightness in the chest, changes in appetite, or difficulties sleeping for weeks after their first experience with grief; during this your body learns how to cope in a new world that seems unsafe and unpredictable; applying a trauma-informed neuroscience approach would enable you to understand the physical responses that occur because of this.
Quick Fact: Your immune system can be weakened temporarily due to grief, causing you to get sick easily within the few months after a significant loss.
Where to Turn for Support After a Loss
You do not have to carry grief alone, and reaching out is not a sign of weakness.
Close friends or family that can just sit with you
Grief counseling or support groups, either face-to-face or online
A grief-informed counselor or psychotherapist
Cultural or community grief rituals
Books, writing or art that allows you to express grief
When grief becomes too heavy to bear on its own, consulting a Registered Clinical Counsellor who specializes in grief and trauma counseling provides consistent professional assistance tailored to your experience. Many wait months before seeking help, as many feel they should have been able to cope on their own; seeking assistance sooner rather than later often makes the process simpler for everyone involved.
How to Deal with Grief and Loss: Practical Steps That Help
Learning how to deal with grief and loss is less about "getting over it" and more about building small, sustainable habits that support your nervous system while it heals.
Let yourself experience the feeling rather than trying to push it away
Maintain a simple schedule even if you do not feel like doing anything
Speak about your loved one; it can be therapeutic just naming them aloud
Gently move your body through walking, stretching, or slow breathing
Avoid making any big decisions for the first several months after the loss
Establish some kind of ceremony such as lighting a candle or writing a letter
Contact people before you feel ready because waiting may isolate you even more
All these steps help deal with the situation of grief and loss at your own personal pace, and not the pace of someone else.
When Grief Becomes Complicated
For many individuals, grieving becomes easier with time and proper help. For others, however, this does not happen. This is currently acknowledged as a clinically diagnosed prolonged grief disorder, which was included in the DSM-5-TR in 2022. It is an intense grief reaction that persists for years and seriously affects one's ability to function properly.
As it is described by HelpGuide in their article about prolonged grief, this disorder was known as complicated grief until it was formally diagnosed. One might experience constant yearning, inability to accept the loss, an identity crisis, or lack of purpose in one's life. If these sound familiar, it is time to seek professional help for both grief and trauma, since the two often overlap more than people expect.
Finding Hope After Loss
Finding hope despite grief is not about making the hurt go away. Instead, it is about creating a life that can include the hurt, along with the hope of happiness once more. There are many accounts of people finding the moment when they were able to think of their loved one without feeling hurt, and laugh once more without feeling guilty. It is an experience that comes over time, and often with help.
If you have been living alone with grief and do not know how to begin, reading about actual experiences of coping with loss and dealing with the stresses of survival, like this exploration of what it looks like when survival lies underneath everything else, may be a soft way of beginning to see yourself before seeking help.
Final Thoughts
The loss of a loved one changes you in ways that cannot be bypassed, and the process of coping with grief and loss requires patience and self-compassion. Gaining an understanding of the stages of grief can assist you in making sense of emotions that seemed incomprehensible and scary before. You do not need to face this journey on your own. If you feel ready for a compassionate and trauma-informed approach to grief, Farnaz Farrokhi-Holmes, Registered Clinical Counsellor (RCC), Canadian Certified Counsellor (CCC), and EMDR Certified Therapist at Soma House Counselling and Psychotherapy is available to you, either in person in Nanaimo or online in British Columbia.
FAQs About Coping with Grief and Loss
Is there a normal timeline for grief?
No. The grieving and coping process with loss is unique to each individual, and there is no particular timeframe in which one can heal.
What are the five stages of grief and loss?
The five stages of grief and loss are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance; but the journey through all these stages is not necessarily linear.
When should I seek professional help for grief and loss?
If you find it difficult to manage your life, sleep, work, and/or social relationships because of the grief and loss, professional intervention can help you cope with this pain better.
Can grief affect physical health?
Yes. This is because the grieving process can affect one’s sleep patterns, appetite, energy levels, and immunity.
